Ever since I was a child, I’ve loved to write. Creative writing (fictional or fact), poetry, journaling and/or anything that might simply inspire – it’s been the perfect expressive outlet for me.

In my late teens-early 20’s, when life was one very big learning experience as it is for us all, I began to write even more. I wrote down my observations, my thoughts and my insights where life and love were concerned, which is what brings me to share with you the various pieces below, from both back then, til now.

Letter to our little love…

I could see you. Feel you, hear you, hold you. But then I would awake. Awake from a dream that was so vivid, I believed you were growing by the minute, by the hour. But then I would learn that you weren’t. It would hurt. It would physically hurt the heart that beat faster and faster each month in hope of confirmation that it might meet YOU. But then the month rolled by, as did the year. No confirmation, no elation. It would hurt.

The ‘why’ began to evolve. Why can’t I feel you, hear you, hold you? Why won’t my body let me? Why must I wait? Why is this my journey? Why can’t I have YOU? But then I stopped asking. The mind got tired. It got physically tired from trying to understand what was keeping you from me. No answer, no explanation. It would hurt.

Hope became distant, energy grew dim and the heart that beat for you felt it didn’t deserve to. What was it worthy of, if it wasn’t worthy of you? What love would it know, if it couldn’t know you? But then I stopped guessing. Stopped guessing what I had done to go through a turbulent time, when I didn’t want to. No reason, no wrong doing. It still. kept. hurting.

But now I can see you. Feel you, hear you and oh so soon, hold you. I awake with confirmation, with elation. You are growing inside me, minute by minute, hour by hour. I now know that you are, and already, it doesn’t hurt. It’s doesn’t hurt the heart, that now beats faster and faster for you. It will meet you, and no more will it hurt.

The ‘why’ has stopped evolving. The journey is explained. You had one, I had one, and as it happens, this was it. Now a reason, no wrong doing. I am worthy of you, and my heart is worthy of loving you. It just took a little longer, through some turbulent times. Minute by minute, hour by hour, it’s bringing me closer to YOU. That is the only answer, elation and confirmation I need.

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How to Read Between the Lines:
A young woman’s guide to “what he means when he says what he says”..

I’ve been there, I’ve seen it coming and I’ve heard it all before. Excuses, lies, let downs – we’ve mostly all been there. And by all, I’m referring to females – period. I highly doubt there remains a vast majority who haven’t been when it comes to break-ups, broken promises or broken hearts – so to the minority that remains; I salute you!

Sadly, too often, women are left the victim of a break-up, a broken heart, or a ‘why me?’ scenario. And despite the amount of thinking a woman is infamous for, I’ve looked to go beyond the average thought expenditure in order to ‘read between the lines’ and determine what “he” might really mean when he ‘says what he says’.

Broken hearts are only a portion of the break-up ‘aftermath’; and if a broken heart is a little extreme for the status of your now non-existent relationship, then perhaps unwelcomed emotions or irregular feelings will do… Rightfully so, when you experience this not once, but twice, or three times and beyond, you can begin to feel as if you’re living amongst a vicious cycle. It’s frustrating to feel as if everything that can go wrong will – particularly where relationships are concerned. If it’s not a run of bad luck, then what is it? What does it mean? And more to the point, what does he mean?

To give someone so much, yet receive so little in return can be utterly exhausting in the real world; as can trying to make sense of it, and again – we’ve mostly all been there. To love someone so deeply, and lose them without a real and clear understanding – it has the very same affect. It’s the literal feeling of rising and falling – and again, that’s exhausting. It’s the reality in which we live though, and the above are really only few of the aspects familiar to so many women. 

Unfortunately, many of us are no strangers to struggle or misfortune, and we’ve all experienced something at some point that sends our emotions into a spin, allowing pain to override pleasure. Breaking it to someone gently, as apposed to expressing the truth, is by far, the better option for a vast number of people in today’s society, and in so many of life’s ‘sticky’ situations. Feeling responsible for the emotional state you leave someone in – the emotional state that reign’s supreme as a result of your honesty towards them, is never a desired position to be in. It’s basically the very reason why we offer a white lie, deny, or conceal our true thoughts and feelings.

TO BE CONTINUED…